december in review

testing self trust and starting a new chapter

Jan 11, 2026

I spent the first day of December packing as much of my life and my belongings as I could into two suitcases and one backpack. I’ve packed many times before and feel I’ve got a good system down, first round is laying everything out that I like, second round is getting real with myself and taking out about 50% of that, third round is the first round of trying to fit it in my suitcase, and then (hopefully) the final and fourth round is taking out another 20-30% and eventually zipping my suitcase shut. But this time was different. I didn’t have a specific trip I was packing for, I didn’t have an event to dress for, or a type of weather to expect… I didn’t even have a return ticket.

As I was packing up my things to carry me through the next year, maybe more?, of my life, standing in my childhood bedroom with walls that had watched me grow from a new born baby, to a bratty toddler, to a shy little girl, to a rebellious teenager, into a young independent woman, I found myself thinking this might very well be the last time these walls watch me grow. I felt equal parts excitement, doubt, nostalgia, and fear for my next chapter, for my long awaited move to Paris.

As the sun set and it was approaching evening on that first day of December, I felt the walls that watched me grow give me a gentle hug goodbye, and said to me, we’re proud of you. I shut my bedroom door behind me and hopped in my mom’s car with the next stop being Boston Logan Airport.

Since arriving in Paris, my emotions and experiences have felt like a big pendulum. Some moments I’ve felt right at home and in so much awe of this beautiful city, and others I’ve felt like an outsider who will never fit here no matter how hard I try. At times I’ve felt intense pangs of nostalgia for my life back in New York City, the cafes I frequented, my apartment I decorated and made my own, my walks along the West Side Highway, and the incredible community I had around me. In these moments I’ve sometimes felt I’ve made the wrong choice by moving to Paris, I left a city I love when really I should’ve just stayed. These moments have tested my self trust and my ability to stand strong in my decision to move and experience life in a new city across the world.

An example of this pendulum in my daily life since moving to Paris is when I’ve walked into a shop or cafe. I’ve tried to start off strong using my B1 french, and the pendulum swings up, yes I’m feeling confident I’ve got this, but almost always a few seconds later I get asked or told something I don’t understand, and I reluctantly pull out a, vous parlez anglais? or if I can’t manage that, just a, sorry? and then they switch to english for me, and the pendulum swings back down, ugh I can’t even communicate properly, why am I here?

While that type of encounter happened almost daily in the month of December, I also had so many incredible encounters with new people and built relationships I could have never imagined. While yes, living in Paris as an American with very intermediate french makes you feel like an outsider, I’ve found that you can begin to find home in new and unexpected ways, with the other outsiders. I’ve met people from Australia, Austria, Switzerland, Denmark, Russia, Morocco, Spain, Italy, Massachusetts, Vermont, New York… and we’re all trying to find a sense of home in Paris.

Reflecting on December, it was a big month of testing my self trust. Me and self trust are recent friends and this move to Paris has blossomed out of this new friendship I have with trust. Like most relationships, my relationship with self trust isn’t perfect and we have our conflicts and confusions at times, but I know, at the end of the day, self trust is on my side. As I navigate the upcoming months in Paris, I know I will be faced with more tests of self trust, pulls to what feels comfortable and known, and doubts that I can't or shouldn’t do this at all, but I believe the decisions we feel equally fearful and excited about are the best decisions to make. These type of decisions are your self trust nudging you saying, hey we really want this, we’re a little scared, but we’re going to grow so much from this!

Thank you December for bringing me the start of my new chapter in Paris, many tests of my self trust, and a burning desire to learn french as quickly as possible.

À bientôt!

December in R.E.V.I.E.W

Things I’ve been reading, eating, viewing, incorporating, enjoying, and wearing.

Reading: Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. I saw Eva Meloche mention this book in one of her recent vlogs and said it was her all time favorite book, and it now has become one of mine too.

Eating: Lotssss of french pastries like roulé cannelle, almond croissant, croissant, pain au chocolat, baguette sandwiches, and this cacio e pepe was divine.

Right to left: Coffee from Buddy Buddy and roulé cannelle from Mamiche, cacio e pepe and sauvignon from SUGO, pastries from Boulangerie Manobaké.

Viewing: Emily in Paris… I just had to. Yes it’s incredible cheesy at times and plays heavily into both American and French stereotypes, but the story line is addicting and I love the characters. It’s also been fun for me to watch and recognize the locations and spots where it’s filmed!